0:36 – Bright Lights in the City of Angels

There is rustling in the cold night air, maybe the house is settling.

Oh boy here we go-

Nonsense I guess. I don’t believe in horoscopes – I try not to live my life based on stars and the universe anymore – but this week’s got me thinking. Yeah, I just read some cheaply tossed together Cosmo horoscope – but it had a very interesting thing to it.

“Something you were on and off about will be settled” that can refer to many things because to be honest my life, or rather my emotional scale has been going off charts in the past week due to… uh, me getting older again?

Also the second part was referring to me recollecting with an old friend which isn’t always the wisest decision (December ptsd) but I think it already happened by the form of music.

A coworker friend of mine suggested I listen to a 30 Seconds To Mars album – Love Lust Faith + Dreams and as soon as I hit play on Spotify my mind nearly collapsed.

It’s an old album, but this album was the favorite of someone whom I held incredibly strong in my heart – but one day she up and left and never came back.

It felt so incredibly destroying to see the familliar song titles – Conquistador, Up in the air and Bright Lights and City of Angels. Those two or one of those songs were about me – at least that’s what she told me and to be honest I never understood it back then but now oh god does it make sense, hear me out:

I’ve been dreaming of things yet to come
Living, learning, watching, burning
Eyes on the sun

I’m leaving, gone yesterday
Brutal, laughing, fighting, fucking
The price I had to pay

Bright lights, big city
She dreams of love.
Bright lights, big city
He lives to run.

Dunno, clicks to me. I don’t really have anything to say tonight, my mind is tired and I’m still churning it between two rocks. Does this exist or doesn’t? I’m scared I’ll mess it up and see something that doesn’t exist. I’m anxious.

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